Amber

Left without notice

Amber seemed to be an enthusiastic nanny, lovely and playful with the children. A bit unexperienced in the area of nannying full time for a family, but as she had experience in a nursery setting I didnt think it was a problem, and that we could learn together how this works, as she was our first nanny. Unfortunately she was not yet Ofsted registered when she joined our family, but we said when she had the registration, we would gladly sign a contract, pay pension and NI contributions, and insurance, and zoo pass etc, and also pay her the higher rate that she asked for initially. She got registered about a month after starting with us, and as we were about to go on a big holiday, I asked whether she wanted to have the contract straight away or wait until after the holiday, so she wouldn't lose her whole pro rata annual holiday allowance within the first month of employment. The holiday was already booked and paid for before we even met her, so it was always clear that she would have to take this either as paid or unpaid holiday. She chose to wait with the contract until after we came back, so I set everything in motion with the folks at nannypayee and just before we left on holiday paid the annual fee for payslips, contract, etc. On the last days before the holiday our house did take a turn for the worst, as I also had Covid, so we were not as on top of things as we'd have liked, but as it was only a couple of days and not the norm, we didn't think anything of it, just apologised to her for the mess, not expecting her to clean up either as we were going to do that once she left and the children were in bed. It was our first real holiday with the kids, so we were packing like maniacs, laundry galore, etc. And we might have left the breakfast on the table. I can't say for sure. I used tax free childcare to pay her and unfortunately the payment, for whatever reason, was delayed. I used to pay the nursery from that account and they always confirmed receipt on the day I made the transaction, so I don't know why it took longer to arrive, but might have been because she just registered with them.
Initially we had our older son in preschool, but he loved being with her so much that we were thinking to take him out and be at home fulltime with her. We asked how she would feel about that, she said no problem, so we cancelled the nursery space for July to go full in on this employing a nanny business. As I was still working from home, it was difficult, I tried to stay up in the office as much as possible, but had to come down to eat, and occasionally go to the toilet and the children would hear me and cry out for me. I understand that that's challenging, but that was going to change as I am going to be fulltime in the office from July. My husband is starting a new job working from home, but the kids don't mind him upstairs that much, and if they did, we could've found a different arrangement, where my husband works from his parents or sisters house or something. But again, she didn't say anything about this bothering her, or about the children's tantrums being too hard. I asked, weekly, if we can do anything different, better, if she needs anything from us. She never said anything. She asked for feedback once and coincidentally I did want to talk to her, as I felt like the enthusiasm she had in the first two weeks was gone. She didn't bring her arts box anymore, didn't play in the tuff tray that she asked us to buy or paint much, apart from fathers day. It didn't feel like she knew what to do with them. As both my boys crave routine, I told her that I would like her to work on a weekly plan, I had some weekly planners lying around from before when I was a SAHM, so I said to use them to dot down ideas on what to do, meals, snacks, etc. I felt some days, she just randomly chose some biscuits or crisps as snacks, when for the 15 month old he did need a bit more than that to pull through until dinner. I premade most lunches, or gave her an idea as I didn't feel she was confident enough to cook herself. She sometimes would do a frozen veg and rice meal which is ok but shouldn't be an always thing, we had fresh food in the fridge. Part of her job was to prepare lunches and snacks. She baked a few cookies and cakes, which everyone loved, but when we said she could do that more often, she stopped doing it. I suggested a few things to do with them, and she took a few ideas on board, but it started to feel all a bit off. She rarely cleaned the table or the little one's high chair after lunch or snack, I had to wipe it down when I came to have my lunch. Their hands were not always washed when sitting down for lunch, and she did not once brush their teeth when I specifically asked her to do so after lunch. She would wash the dishes she'd used/the children used by hand rather than just using the dishwasher, which I found a bit strange and frustrating as she would leave them to dry and for us to clear away at the end of the day. The toys that were last used were very rarely tidied up, and a lot of inside toys were left in the garden when she left, which we did coment to her at the beginning, that the tidy up before she leaves for the day was important to us. It all felt like she was going though the motions. But as I said, we wanted to give us all time to learn how to do this together, and while I was waiting for the contract to be ready, I didn't want to antagonise her too much, so I didn't tell her all those things that I noticed. Well. Two days into the holiday, we found out why she was feeling "off", we received a WhatsApp message, completely out of the blue, accusing us of all sorts of things, from leaving "leftovers and off milk" around the house, making it "unsafe" and attracting flies (it's summer and we had 4 flies in the kitchen, and she was referring to the day before we went on holiday, see above...), to not wanting to give her a contract, or to pay her higher rate (both things agreed with her in advance, to start from the day we came back). She said she couldn't deal with the tantrums, or that the children missed their mother all the time. I am gobsmacked. If she can't deal with that, she is in the wrong industry. I don't know any child who, within the first 5 weeks of childcare, did not cry for their mummy and daddy occasionally. And they are 15 months and 3 years, that's tantrum central. If she can't handle it, that is a sign that she's in above her head.

And with a very unprofessional and emotionless message she told us that she won't be returning, leaving us completely without childcare, just when we took the older one out of nursery.
She showed her lack of maturity and lack of education and professionalism with that message. The message was vile, with all these accusations, and then in the end she said, trying to make the situation lighter / better "thanks so much for the opportunity". It honestly felt like a slap in the face, and ruined our holiday, as I now have to spend the next 2 weeks looking for a new nanny instead of enjoying the beach with my children. I would not recommend hiring Amber, and would not do so myself, ever again.

• Overall
• Setting
• Cleanliness
• Food
• Communication

by Laura on 03/07/2023